The Metrosexual Presents:
The How to Be Fashionable Series....

Welcome this is your host James Lipton-

And Now from the Austin Texas Astrodome your host The Metro-s-e-x-u-a-l,

Thank you, thank you James.

Well today we are talking mainly about the proper attire one must wear when exiting the house everyday. Now I don't care what you wear when your behind the closed doors of your home but when you come out please be dressed in a way that does not make you look and, this is to all you Jordache wearing non-showering schelps, smell like a bum.

STEP 1: Get a Fashion Sense

Okay now I know that some of you good not create a workable outfit out of a a couple of Gucci shopping bags so this is for you. You need to hang around with some people who have money or at least know how to shop the sales at Bergdorfs. I mean come on get some friends who dress well. You know the one in your group who always gets the looks from people (no not the fat guy he doesn't have any idea even how to exercise how could he possible dress well?).

If you are having a problem with Step 1 just goto to the Kwiki Mart and grab yourself the newest GQ (gentleman's Quarterly) that will have all you need it might be a little advanced for you at this stage so you may want to start with FHM or Maxim both which have style sections.

But for the love of god STAY AWAY from the Sears Catalogue and anything that resembles a K-Mart Flyer.

By now you should have a basic understanding of what you should model yourself after. Now it is time for...

STEP 2: Get a Credit Card

Everyone must have a credit card (hopefully Platinum) with a very high credit limit because if you don't you will be able to afford about 2 items, probably underwear, ad unless you are me you will not be able to cut it with just underwear. Well Johnnie Depp could cut it too. Many companies give credit to poor people like yourself so just point you browser to Google.com and search "O% APR Credit Cards." If you are lucky you just might get one. Alternately you can just head over to Macy*s and they will ask you if you want to sign up for a Macy*s card; you definitely want one sounds flirt with the chick behind the counter and get her to sign you up for a gold card. You will thank me later.

STEP 3: Buy The Basics

The key to actually owning a full wardrobe you can wear outside of your parents basement is starting with basics.

Let me outline it for you...

You will need more than:

7 Dress Shirts (in Various Colors. No all white shirts here son)

5 pairs of unmatched dress pants (in Various Colors. Unmatched means that they don't
go with a suit jacket)

10 Neck-Ties (They must be silk.)

15 pairs of socks (divide them up equally between dress and sport socks)

5 Button down short sleeve shirts (these are for casual attire and all you are looking for is something to impress the ladies, or the guys if you happen to be Gay, when you are not sporting more formal wear.

10 Pairs of Undergarments (Now I shouldn't have to outline this for you if you already undergarments on a semi-regular basis I think you are lost. Just make sure that they are comfortable and that you can move around in them.

with these few basics you should be able to get through the first initial plunge into being viewed by people who do not call you by a pet name. Lets move on to harder things.

STEP 4: How Much is That Suit in The Window

You need to own at least ONE full suit, come on your a man right? This suit should be Dark Blue or blue or black. Absolutely NO pulling a Dumb and Dumber and getting anything in pink or light blue.

Let me instruct you that pinstripe is the way to go when it comes to wanting to woo someone (i.e. get that job, win the girl, or get that house loan). People will respect you more in a Pinstripe suit.

On to material for a suit. There are only three accepted fabrics: Wool, Cotton and Silk. If you get a polyester suit and I find out about it I will hunt you down and kill you, unless of course if it is by Donna Karen or Gorgeio Armani, then it is acceptable; however, once again K-Mart or Target doesn't count.

STEP 5: Look at My New Kicks

So kicks is slang for Shoes, yes. You MUST own a wide array of shoes not just a couple of pairs of sneakers and pair of "dress" shoes. The key to shoes is have mainly shoes that match your lifestyle. If you run a lot have some running shoes but also remember that you are not always go to be running. So you will need some casual and more dressy shoes for the times when you want to look sharp (not just when you go to a job interview or go to work). You should Look sharp all the time.

Blacks and Browns are good colors to stick to in dress and casual dress shoes. Anything else will get you weird stares from everyone, especially women- one of the first things they notice is your shoes. Don't trust that whole only personality matters to me crap, it is the shoes that determine your worthiness- for most things.

When it comes to athletic shoes you can be a little bit more out there. With lots of colors to choose from Blues, Whites and Reds are good colors. However black can be quite versatile as well. If you are really interested in getting out side the fashion box and creating your own you can go with multi colored kicks in bright colors such as orange and pink. Just stay away form yellow.

With the shoes to match the suit and to match your Basics you are now ready to start coordinating.

STEP 6: Wear It Well

You now have to learn about color matching. Most things can be matched together accept maybe orange and white. Or any kind of bright Yellow.

The main thing to remember is that your Shoes MUST match your belt. Also you should have a main color and match to that. For example you would wear black pants, a blue shirt, black shoes and a black belt. There will be no brown shoe wearing with black pants on my watch.

Furthermore use common sense if you don't think that red shirt will match the rest of your outfit don't wear it. Another good thing to remember is that blues, silvers, grays and black are your friend; they go with almost everything.

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This is the First Part of an ongoing Series. You will see the next installment in the near future. I will also be developing one for all the female readers of this blog.

- posted by Erin @ 1:57 AM |